all the worst things about a town, BUT by the beach!

traffic jams, over priced parking, staggering gangs of beer monsters overlooked by ugly bored looking bouncers, overpriced tat that you don’t need, nasty smelling greasy fast food impacted into the pavement leaving the stench of burned rancid fat in the air. badly dodged rusting fords in bodykits, seagulls with flickknives hunting in packs, every fat slob in sight wearing their ?100 mirror oakley killerloops trying to forget that they have to be back behind their desk at the estate agents on tuesday, living life to the edge with a bottle of alcopop (for non drinkers) on a saturday lunch time, fat families furiously filling their faces to make sure that they keep up with their gargantuan daily calorie intake.

‘it takes hard work to have a body like moine moi loverly!’

newquay,

a long time ago someone somewhere said it was nice and it’s been endlessly reprinted in the press ever since – except no one bothered to check.

ah well, perhaps newquay is good, it keeps the munters away from everywhere else. god knows what it must be like to live here. in winter it’s dead, the council actually switch newquay off in october and don’t take it out of storage again until the following april – just no one bothers to disinfect it before re-inflating it.

how much shoddy over-priced surf shite does one town need ?